Real Men Love Tlaloc
Came across this little gem this morning:
Perdue, farmers pray for rain
Governor issues state proclamation declaring June 11 a Day of Prayer for Agriculture
Gov. Sonny Perdue and Georgia farm officials joined in prayer Monday morning with hopes that rain would soon fall upon the parched state.
Perdue was in Macon at the Georgia Farm Bureau to issue a state proclamation declaring June 11 a Day of Prayer for Agriculture before a gathering of about 250 people that featured three prayers.
"We don't need the government's help, we need God's help," Perdue said...
Vincent "Zippy" Duvall, president of the Georgia Farm Bureau, said the organization began trying in late May to establish the day of prayer.
"There is only one word that describes what we're here to do today, one word, and that's obedience," Duvall said, greeting the crowd...
Tommy Irvin, Georgia's agriculture commissioner, who estimated the drought and Easter freeze have cost farmers and cattle owners hundreds of millions of dollars, said, "We must not forget that all good things come from above."
Haygood gave the final prayer of the morning.
Georgia's food, cotton and related industries bring in an estimated $54 billion of the state's total economic output, according to the University of Georgia's College of Agricultural & Environmental Sciences.
Perdue said God moved him to leave his career in veterinarian medicine for farming in the mid-1970s.
"I've known since 1977 that I've got to get on my knees and pray," Perdue said. "And that's what we are here to do today, to start a prayer revival around this state."
However, Perdue said Georgia will only be blessed under certain conditions.
He said Georgians should look at their lifestyles and the way they conduct everyday business.
"As smart as many of us think we can be sometimes and all that we think we can create and all the government programs we think we can have, I'm here to tell you as your governor that we're still dependent upon a graceful and almighty God," Perdue said. "Only God can make it rain."
Clearly, the governor could better serve his people if he covered as many bases as possible. He needs to make sure that as many rain-gods as possible are placated if he wants to maximize the chances that the drought ends. I suggest that in addition to praying to Jehovah, it's time to round up the kiddies and make a proper sacrifice to Tlaloc, the Toltec and Aztec rain-god.
Tlaloc was worshiped in Mesoamerica for at least 1,000 years, during which time he successfully insured that the rains fell upon the maize and squash fields of two of the greatest civilizations of the Western hemisphere. By contrast, Jehovah has been worshiped in Georgia for only about 300 years, during which time there have been repeated droughts. It's all well and good to get together and pray, but that's really the easy way out, and frankly the deity from whom aid is being requested doesn't really have a very good track record. If Georgia's leadership is going to start invoking supernatural entities, then, they should be certain that they're not simply wasting taxpayer dollars by performing the correct rituals.
Like most effective consultants, Tlaloc's price does run a bit high. His payment consists of the drowning of children. This is a bad drought, so it's going to take a large number of children. To be conservative about it, though, one child from each of the 156 Georgia counties affected by the drought should be given to the rain-god. Many more than that die every year in the state because of a lack of access to basic medical care and nutrition, and Governor Perdue hasn't called for a "day of prayer" to change that fact, so it's safe to assume here that it's not as high a priority for Georgia as is ending this drought. Thus, another 156 children dying for a more important cause shouldn't be of much concern. To make it as fair as possible, the Governor could simply draw social security numbers at random, and the children whose numbers are drawn would be brought to the state capital and drowned in a bathtub on the steps of the capital building.
If I recall my Aztec ritual dogma correctly, it's also necessary for the priests to pull strings of thorns through their tongues, cheeks and penises. That's between the Governor and god, of course. I don't know that we'd want to see that on TV.
A state day of prayer simply isn't enough. In fact, I'm quite certain that all those who participated have probably prayed to Jehovah before... and look where it's gotten them! It's time that Governor Perdue called for a state day of sacrifice. Doesn't Georgia deserve it?
Of course, he could just start advocating a scientific approach that included such things as more efficient use of the land and water available, the development of drought-resistant crops, and the construction of a better irrigation system with increased reliance on desalinization. That'd just be silly, though. Praying to supernatural beings is a much better use of his time. Wise men know that child sacrifice and begging help from invisible spirits is reliable; humans have done it for at least as long as they've had language. This science stuff? It hasn't even been around for as long as the New Testament. Who knows what it'll do?
The fool has said in his heart that there is no Tlaloc, of course... but who cares what fools say?
Remember, you can't spell "ooga booga" without GA.
