Adventures in Moving: Frightening the Churchie
You've just got to love it when things really work out well. Timing, as they say, is everything.
LL has put a bunch of low-end stuff — bookcases, computer desks, etc. — on Craig's List. A woman sent her an email saying that she wanted to buy one of our office chairs for the sum of $15. The buyer was to come over today at 12:30, and since LL had some things to take care of on campus before we depart Florida, it fell to me to take care of the transaction.
The woman who showed up was large. Very, very large... so large, in fact, that she couldn't walk up the short flight of stairs from the first to second floor; easily 350#. Dangling from a chain over her substantial paunch was a very large silver crucifix, at least four inches from top to bottom. Noting all this, I decided the best thing to do would be to simply get her out of the house as quickly as possible. I know that look; she disapproved of the heavy metal music I had playing to accompany my day's packing (at the moment she came in, I had Motorhead's The Ace of Spades blaring). I ran up the stairs to get the chair, and while preparing to bring it downstairs the song changed... to the Lords of Acid's The Crab Louse; click the link to see the lyrics if you dare, but be advised that they're not necessarily... errr... polite.
So I come downstairs and to see this large, religious woman staring at the Indian Madhubani painting of Chinnamasta severing her own head while the Lords of Acid offer advice about the female pubic area and the activities of external parasites. Yeah....
And you know, the woman then says, "Oh, $15? I only brought $10. Can I just give you $10?"
I called LL, knowing that she'd say $10 was fine, just get the chair out of here so we can move... but I wanted to make that massive, pettily larcenous true-believer stand there in front of Chinnamasta-devi and listen to the Lords of Acid for just a few more moments. The synchronicity was just too delicious to let it end any more quickly than it had to if LL was going to be cheapskated out of $5; as they say, ass, grass or aghast, no one rides for free! That facial expression... I wish I could have taken a photo.
We have also donated a huge load of spare computer parts, manuals, and a laser printer to a fellow who reconditions old computer hardware for underprivileged schools. He didn't seem as bothered by the music.
