June 25, 2007

How I'll Get Rich

After seeing the 370th commercial for "horoscopes sent to your cell phone for only 99¢ a day!" I have finally figured out how I am going to get very, very rich.

First, I'm going to set up a business that sends horoscopes to your cell phone for 99¢ a day.

The horoscope for every astrological sign will read "You will lose 99¢ today," every day.

Now, that's 12 predictions every day, 365 days per year. That's 4,380 absolutely, unequivocally correct predictions every year. Compared to every other psychic, astrologer, wizard and priest that has ever existed, this accuracy will make me the greatest astrologer of all time. I can surely parlay this into an endless spew of self-help books, newage advice columns and talk show appearances.

I'll be a millionaire in no time flat.

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