Jesus Broke Her Rainmaker
Today's Daily Jesus comes to us from Justice, IL. It's the touching story of a woman who bought a cheap plastic Chinese import from Walgreen's and the messiah who made it stop working.
Justice woman sees Jesus in rainmaker
By Angela Caputo Staff writer (Daily Southtown)
"There it is," she said, outlining the features of a face with her index finger.
"Do you see it?" she said with a hint of hesitation in her voice. "There's the Jesus."
Purtell bought the gadget at Walgreens for $19.95 a few years back to soothe her through a bout of depression.
It stopped working about a year ago after the hose broke. And that's when the holy figure appeared.
"One day the rain stopped and there was Jesus," the 54-year-old said. "I tried to wash it off three times, but the Jesus keeps reappearing."
By the way, I suggest using Oxyclean if you ever have this problem yourself. It's the best stuff for getting Jesus off your household surfaces. I think the fact that she was looking for something to help her through a "bout of depression" speaks volumes about this. Note how often in all these stories the people who see Big Daddy J in some smear do so during a time of emotional stress, when they're actively looking for something to make them feel better.
...Purtell has invited a handful of religious figures into her home to share what she sees as a "blessing" from God. She's also taken it to various church groups throughout the Chicago area...
...The Archdioceses of Chicago gave her the most alarming advice earlier this summer when they told her to burn it -- not toss it or bury it -- because it could be demonic, she said...
Or it could be nothing at all. I'm going to stick with that hypothesis; sometimes a stain is just a stain. In fact, a stain is always just a stain, unless it's forensic evidence.
If Jesus appeared in a tortilla and a grilled cheese sandwich, then why not a rainmaker, Purtell said. "Maybe that's why it came to me, because I do believe."
While he hasn't fielded too many calls like Purtell's, the Rev. Patrick Lagges, of the Archdioceses of Chicago, said he has no doubt she and many others have found religious figures in everyday objects.
"Most of it has to do with their own spirituality," Lagges said. "And it's something they take comfort in..."
The Archbishop and I apparently agree on something. In fact, it has everything to do with the finders' beliefs and desire for a comforting parental figure to tell them that everything's going to be OK. That's all there is to it. These are the two common factors in every one of these stories.
...Purtell admits that she feels as if people might perceive her as "a nut" for claiming Jesus appeared in her south suburban home.
But she said she's not deterred because "we get a lot of bad news. We need a little good news, too."
Yes, I would perceive someone as a nut for claiming that Jesus — or Buddha, or Attila the Hun, or Napoleon, etc. — appeared in their home. That's a pretty safe bet. And as far as getting some good news, perhaps Purtell and those like her might want to check out some of the things happening out in the real world. In just the last few days, there have been found a possible new treatment for asthma, a discovery that may stop people from being reinfected with malaria (although this one is pretty bad news if you're Michael Behe), and a means of producing insulin in plants that could well result in easier, cheaper treatment for those afflicted with diabetes. None of these reports make mention of divine discolorations on lab benches ("Hey! That puddle looks just like Frederick Banting!")
None of these are the kind of good news that the "I see Jesus in that stain" contingent are looking for, though. The good news they want is much more self-centric. It looks a lot like this:
Good news happens all the time, just not on bits of plastic or grease stains on garage floors.
Speaking of the latter, it's time for the morning update on the eBay auction for grease-spot Jesus. As of this writing, the bidding has soared to over $1000, with 26 bids so far and just over 5 days left to go. Yes, you read that right; some sucker eBay references with the user ID Bidder 1 is willing to shell out more than $1000 for this:
I guess that'd qualify as good news for Deb Serio. It doesn't bode well for the gene pool, however.
