Looking for Something Droolingly Insane Tonight? Try Herman Cummings!

You know, most of the evolution-denial crowd gets pretty dull after awhile. Their arguments now are the same ones they've been using for a century or more. At most, they occasionally discover something new to quote-mine or find some new legitimate discovery made by people who do real science that they can misinterpret and make themselves look foolish to people who know something on the subject. Not much new ever happens in the world of Creationist codswallop. Of course, if it weren't for Creationists, I would likely never get the chance to use the word "codswallop," and I just like using that word.

Every once in awhile, though, we get one of the Creationists who is so obviously out of his mind with paranoid delusions and conspiratorial wildman gibberings that it just makes my day. I mean, seriously, I love these guys. They're a tremendous help to those of us who need an example to point to in order to illustrate what happens when you take all the Creationism and Intelligent Design codswallop (there's that word again!) to its not-so-logical end.

So tonight, I want to extend a very special Mad Mycologist thank you to Herman Cummings for writing an article in The Conservative Voice, entitled The Deathtrap of Evolution. It's not nearly often enough that I find something so raving, so twisted and so utterly misguided that I can post a few snippets on my blog and help provide readers with a quick chuckle while pointing out the sorts of nut cases that are behind America's whole superstitious revival.

Ah, but look at me blathering on. I'm going to tear up soon. Here, let me grab a couple of paragraphs for you from Herman Cummings' crayon-scrawling-on-the-padded-wall. Enjoy!

The Deathtrap of Evolution

As parents, we are to “train up a child in the way he should go:”. In doing so, the child is directed to “remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth,”. So what are our educators presently doing? They are teaching our children that there is a tooth fairy that gives you a dollar for your lost tooth if you put it under your pillow at night. How about the teaching that there is a “Santa Claus” that flies through the air with reindeer, who comes down the chimney on Christmas Eve to deliver gifts that you wished for. I guess that those that live in apartment buildings have to have some other delivery fable taught.

I have to admit, I cut out of tooth fairy class a lot...

Yes, I am pointing out the insanity of the practice of only teaching our students the “theory of evolution”. Creationism can hardly be taught, but the “Observations of Moses” can easily be taught our students, as a counter balance to the blind teaching of evolution. There is no evidence for evolution, except in the closed mind of blind academics, administrators, and scientists.

But there's tons of evidence for burning bushes that speak Hebrew, apparently. I'm sure Mr. Cummings has seen a few in his time.

What circumstantial evidence is used to come to the conclusion of “evolution”? The very same evidence that (the “Observations of Moses”) states that there was “death by escalation”, meaning that death to life forms first came to the simplest of creatures in the water (out of sight of land dwellers), before escalating to higher life forms that already lived on land. With this position, you get the exact same results in the geologic record, but without the phantom “transitional forms”.

Can anyone figure out what this guy is talking about? Remember, The Conservative Voice published this, so they must think there's something here, but I can't figure out what it is. The parentheses don't even make sense. Things that live in the water die before things that live on land? Eh, I give up...

The atheist and evolutionist are motivated by the evil spirit of rebellion against God, whose goal is to destroy as much of mankind as possible. Take notice of their strategy, which is to only have the secular theories of science required and taught in public schools. But when it comes to teaching (the correct data) from the book of Genesis, they say “teach it in religion class, because it’s not science”. That is a bold face lie!! The very teaching of evolution is indoctrination into the religion of Atheism!! It is Satan’s mission to “deny” the reality of God and His Word, or at least “redefine” the scriptures, so that he can “destroy” all of mankind that he can.

OK, let's count the silly here. First off, how can someone who doesn't believe that Jehovah exists rebel against Jehovah? Personally, I wouldn't care a bit about what someone else thinks about the whole question of religion if they weren't trying to pass their beliefs off as science or, as in Cummings' case, trying to stick pointy little horns on my head for sticking with evidence instead of the edicts of "The Observations of Moses," whatever those are supposed to be. The strategy of those who espouse science is to make sure that science education is available and that religious fairytales aren't disguised as knowledge of how the universe actually works when we bother to observe it instead of letting some authority dictate what we should think about it. I'm relieved to find that Cummings doesn't think that Satan is really trying to deny the reality of God (what's with the quotation marks?); then again, since Satan is also a mythological character, I suppose he doesn't really get to deny anything — let alone "redefine" or "destroy." One thing for sure... Herman is a man who loves his quotation marks!

[a couple of paragraphs of ranting about non-literalists omitted for brevity here]

However, this article is named “The Deathtrap of Evolution”, and for good reason. Since there indeed is a Creator, there is indeed a coming judgment of mankind, both modern and prehistoric. At the White Throne Judgment, every “remaining” human being, whether they be Homo Sapiens, Cro-Magnon, Neanderthal, or original mankind, will stand trial and must give an account of their deeds while they lived on this Earth.

The White Throne Judgment will, no doubt, be seen to by the White Swallow. There is admittedly something rather humorous, though, in the image of some Australopithecene giving an account of his existence to a robed and bearded Jehovah. But wait, I thought Jesus came to atone for all the sins of mankind to that date. I guess Herman doesn't think he did a very good job, or maybe the Neanderthals were left out somehow? A clerical error, perhaps? And what's up with those quotation marks, anyhow? Are those the wings from which we derive the term "batshit crazy," perhaps?

What sort of “an account” will an atheist or evolutionist be able to give? Will the excuse “I didn’t see any evidence” be accepted, and the person will be allowed to live forever in peace? Or will the option to remain in ignorance, and denial of the truth of Genesis (as written in the book “Moses Didn’t Write About Creation!”), be charged against the person, and they be thrown into the waiting Lake of Fire to be tormented forever?

Just imagine the laughter that many atheists and evolutionists now exhibit when the thought of a Creator is discussed. Now imagine the opposite when they find themselves standing in line, with tens of thousands of other humans, waiting to be judged by someone that they may have laughed at. Be assured that those that have done wrong against certain others, will be judged by that very same person, who will have the given authority to grant everlasting life or torment. This scenario would be discussed in another book, not yet written.

Yes, I can see it now. Jehovah, having spent all his time and energy on this great cosmic joke, will round up everyone and give them the punchline. "Fooled you, fooled you! Off to hell with you all!" I guess Cummings has no problem worshiping a deity so fond of playing childish and malevolent jokes on his best work. Hmmm, could that be the source of all the ranting insanity? I mean, if I had a boss at some job who was as sadistic as this God of Cummings', I'd probably want to punch him in the head eventually. Perhaps repressing that urge is what leads to a mental state like Herman's? Hey, wait... the God of Cummings... nah, nevermind. Let's not go there. Instead, let's head for Cummings' alleged conclusion.

So what is the final conclusion? It is that the fossil and geologic record of the ancient past gives solid proof of the truth of Genesis, namely the “Observations of Moses”, without the need of non-existent “transitional forms” which the theory of evolution relies on. God first created, and then restored life on Earth after each extinction event.

Y'know, sometimes it's hard to get a conclusion out of something that wasn't an argument in the first place, and just as hard when the argument presented has nothing to do with the conclusion it reaches. Cummings doesn't present an argument about biology or the origins of species, just about why everyone has to believe exactly what he says they have to believe. His "conclusion" could just as easily have been that everyone has to give him a quarter. Everybody give Herman Cummings a quarter right now! I won't bother with the typical Creationist hand-waving about there not being any transitional forms in the fossil record (or, in fact, living among us right now; there are plenty of them). That's the boring stuff. The spittle-spraying screaming about Jehovah and Moses and Satan... ahhhh, now that was worth all this typing!

Wasn't that fun?

Now, I don't know anything about Herman Cummings. I've never read any of his other screeds and I've certainly never met the guy (and don't particularly want to; we have plenty of crazy people having religiously-inspired hallucinations right here in Worcester, I'm sure). But wherever you are, Herman, I love you, man. You're the best; thank you from the bottom of my "rebellious" heart.

By the way, does it strike anyone that "conservative" is starting to look more and more like "wacky" lately? Don't forget, Herman publishes in The Conservative Voice. Sounds to me like that Voice is speaking in tongues at the moment. Babble on, thou crazy conservatives!

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