March 16, 2008

Meat Sabers Dueling in Gloucester

While the phrase "meat sabers" may seem like a euphemism, it isn't and this update isn't about what you might have thought, you filthy person you. In this case, two men actually beat each other with meat. They wailed on each other with pork. Errrr... maybe I should just go ahead and link to the article now.

Owner fights off meat thief with frozen ham

A prosciutto-wielding meat thief in Gloucester met his match when a restaurant owner fought off the assault by slamming the thief's face with a ham.

Joe Scola of Scola's Place heard a noise in his restaurant Wednesday, then saw a man fleeing with his arms full of meat from Scola's freezer.

Scola caught up, and started taking the meat back.

That's when the man raised a five pound log of frozen prosciutto over his head, presumably to whack Scola.

Luckily, Scola had his own frozen pig product on hand.

He tells the Gloucester Daily Times that he slammed the ham in the man's face, leaving a gash. The thief was so stunned, he dropped the meat and ran.

Police searched the area, but couldn't find the suspect.
I wish I was a good enough artist or video editor to do a mash-up of this story with a scene from Star Wars. Maybe I could put Yoda in the background as Darth Maul and Obi Wan Kenobi attack each other with their respective meat-sticks. Someone somewhere needs to do it.

One thing for sure; if you see Joe Scola coming at you with meat in his hand, you'd better start running. I know I would.

NOTE 1: Look, it's six AM and I have blogger's block because I'm supposed to be doing some writing that's going to be graded, so this is the best I could do for the moment.

NOTE 2: I attempted to find an illustration to go with this entry, but have you ever seen the results you get when you plug the words "meat saber" or "meat weapon" into Google images?

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