November 19, 2008

Wooful Witch Employment Available in Sweden

A Swedish purveyor of online and telephone witchy-woo has opportunities available for 20 witches/psychics/professional storytellers!

Häxriket i Norden, based in Åhus in southern Sweden, is currently seeking to place five witches each in four separate locations around the country, the Skånska Dagbladet newspaper reports.

According to the company's advertisement on a listing maintained by Sweden's Public Employment Agency (Arbetsförmedlingen), qualified candidates should be well-versed in "contact with the other side, runes, tarots, crystals, herbs, rituals, exorcism, meditation, personal coaching, and more".


Those are some high experience standards to meet! Runes, tarot and crystals, along with exorcism? Considering that an average human being weighs around 150 pounds, that seems like an awful lot of credulous nonsense to cram into such a small space.

But wait, there's more:
The job also requires having a fixed telephone line and an internet connection, as most of Häxriket's services are delivered online or over the phone at a cost of 19.90 kronor ($2.45) per minute.
Exorcism over the Internet! "The power of spam compels you! The power of spam compels you!" How many emails for penis-enlarging pills and fake Rolex watches can one demon take?

Sadly, the opportunities have been created by the firing of the last bunch of woo-peddlers. Their employer got rid of them because they got caught defrauding clients:
The sudden wave of new hires comes following an internal shake up at the company in which a number of Häxriket's former witches were let go for violating the telemarketing ethics code put in place by the Etiska Rådet för Betalteletjänster ('Trade Ethical Council for Telemarketing') – ERB...

"We've really cleaned house," said Qinna Blomgren, who refers to herself as the "top witch" and is partial owner of Häxriket, to the newspaper.
See, you have to be an honest liar to work as a phone witch, and if you get caught lying dishonestly, a "top witch" will turn you into an unemployed psychic. Poof.
Blomgren is quick to dismiss critics who question the legitimacy of Häxriket's operations.

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. If I like cinnamon buns with cardamom, it doesn't mean that I can claim it's the only correct path," she said.
Well, there's an intelligent analogy, no?

Yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I'm entitled to the opinion that there's nothing wrong with picking people's pockets, but it's still both dishonest and illegal. Using a telephone or the internet in conjunction with ignorance and superstition to pick people's pockets is still picking people's pockets, whether or not the "top witch" agrees that picking pockets should be a crime. Fraud is fraud, and fraud works best when both the one committing it and the one against whom it is committed buy into the scam. Any good con-man can tell you that. In fact, "top witch" Blomgren just did!

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